Theresa's thoughts too!

I open my eyes to harsh despair Soul rotting and mind laid bare. The pit is dark, cold and deep The climb upwards grows ever steep. The walls of the pit are jagged rock They smell of sin, mold and rot. Gasping for air or a sign; I perceive the stench is mine. Anxious, I stare at the pit's entrance I cry out for Your presence.  By my screams the fog enhance; My vision barred by blame's trance. I try to climb up, heart filled with shame Down I slip my palms are maimed. I try harder, harder still Till I can no more tears spill. Down to my knees I sink and gaze up My mind numb and soul corrupt. Hope lost of attaining life  I await death and fate's strife.  I turn to sit, but am shocked to see - You standing right beside me. All along You were here with me! How patiently You waited for me to see. You the honey in my heart of rock - Sweetness that I have forgot.  But, how can I taste the trough  For I have but closed You off.  You stretch out Your hands to me and...

  I recently understood what it means to "feel" God's presence. I also realized that we have to actually "choose" to accept or feel his love. To many this might be obvious - and to be honest I thought I knew this too. But I realize that until now I hadn't really realized how simple this could be. I fell sick during the past week and was feeling quite down and alone. Since I'm away from home I had to take care of myself - and while my friends were ready to help, there's something about 'home' that just can't be substituted.  To distract myself, I put on some worship music and pictured myself as the person singing the hymn. And suddenly - it wasn't so bad anymore. I felt hugged, felt like I wasn't alone anymore, felt loved. And I was surprised, honestly - I didn't expect to feel anything. But here I was feeling something that I can only describe as 'comfort'. This taught me two main lessons: Whatever is going on - God se...

  When I was younger my mom always said that she had given up trying to plan out my life because God always had other plans that always turned out better than hers. And when I look back - I can clearly see that she was right. One example is alter serving. I am a girl and mum felt it wasn't right for girls to be alter servers because that was a job reserved for sons. During one mass when the priest was walking down the pews to the alter(there weren't any alter servers that day), he stopped at the pew we were standing in and spoke directly to me and said, "Come serve." Apparently I just slipped off my shoes and walked after him - without so much as a glance at mum. I didn't really know what I was doing - but followed the movements of the priest and did my best to mimic what I had seen other alter servers do. My older cousin joined me later during mass to help out with the chalice and the water bowl. I served for that mass and many other masses after that. And I am s...

Everyone struggles with anxiety sometime or the other - for some this anxiety consumes them and for others anxiety comes and goes in waves. My anxiety waves have always been "high tide" waves. I usually feel drowned and have to frantically grasp for a way to stay afloat while it lasts. At first my flotation device was family and friends - then it became social media (which wasn't very helpful) and recently I have learnt how to rely on comfort verses (which really feels like a hug from God). I realized(after a long conversation with a friend) that the main reason of my anxiety is that I don't allow myself to make mistakes. I don't give myself a chance to fail - because my brain thinks that too much rides on my shoulders. Unfortunately, this mindset does more harm than good - I cannot function very well with the weight, I become over anxious and break down at the smallest inconvenience.  I have been reading the Gospels recently - and I was struck with the thought of...

  My mother loves dance, and as a result my childhood was spent with a lot of music, freestyling to tunes that we happened to hear on the go and dance classes. And I loved every moment of it! The discipline and practice required to get the whole choreography looking as effortless and graceful as possible taught me patience and strength. And the sweat and pain that needs to be put in to learn even the simplest of steps really shines through when complex dance routines are performed.  Dance is the one thing I am sure that I love and will love doing forever. It is my way of letting out emotion, energy and is a way of working on myself that I truly enjoy. I am a Bharatanatyam dancer - and since this dance form comes from the south of India, the art form is interwoven with ancient culture and has it's roots in Hinduism. I learnt dance from quite a few teachers (of various religions) and most of my performances have been devotional (both about Christianity and Hinduism). I saw ...

  I've always wondered how I could be part of God's people. Geographically speaking - I'm not a part of "Israel". And I must admit - I've always wondered if all of us joining "God's group" was part of the plan. I know that all God wants is for us to be with him and to know him, but I have always wondered nonetheless. I mean, why didn't God choose another people? Why not just have separate events in different countries bringing us all to him? He didn't do that - so there might be a possibility that I don't belong...?  I believe that God's plan is something that I cannot comprehend and that people born into/ joining Christ is not by chance or by their own doing - it's because God initiated it. So that means - that he wanted me to be among the people of Christ. While I don't have definite proof for this, I had a small 'aha!' moment recently while reading the book of Judges. The Israelites keep sinning again and again ...

With the start of advent - I'm sure many are preparing their homes and hearts for the birth of Christ. I'm really looking forward to going home for the winter holidays (post finals) and am very excited about being with family and friends who I love.  But - I must confess that though the thought of going home fills me with joy, there's this emptiness that I just can't seem to shake off. I have been feeling the same for quite sometime now and have realized that I yearn for 'audible or physical' communication with God. I see his works in my daily life and I know that he does so much for me throughout my day. I have been praying - and even journaling out conversations with him...but I have to admit - it's tough not "hearing" or "feeling" anything back.  I  constantly try to  quieten my mind and pray - but I just can't seem to get the hang of that.  I prayed to Mama Mary for intercession and for guidance to the Holy Spirit. But the only re...

College teaches us a lot - academics and a lot more. I didn't expect to learn much about my faith - but God had other plans. College made me realize just how privileged we are as Christians – we have literally been given God’s word, we have been given a way to turn back to good after sin, we have a God who cares so much about us that he sent us prophets, visions, saints, apparitions, Mama Mary, angels, blessings, his grace and LITERALLY HIS OWN SON.  I think as Christians we forget just how much we have – because our faith is cut out for us. We don’t have to think up of ways to love God – because he already loves us, we don’t have to make “compulsory” sacrifices – because his Son sacrificed himself for us, we don’t have to search for the truth – because God has told us himself, through the prophets, through the church and sometimes he speaks to us directly.  I attend a college that is run by our protestant brothers and sisters and a few months back, there was a bible book fare...

To Mother divine I stand before all - scarred with sin; My soul is bruised and stained within. I stand before all - clothed in shame And raise my eyes to you sweet dame. I turn to you - O Mother divine; Your smile is loving, sweet and fine. I show you the wrongs that I have done; You show me Jesus - your loving Son. I stand before all - scarred and frayed; No spear or sword or shield or blade. I kneel before you hopeful still; To give you my heart and my will. You I choose to be my Queen; To you I give what is and has been. My body, my soul, my every deed, To offer to God for those in need. Theresa.V Inspired by the words of St. deMontford in the 33 Days to morning glory consecration ("In the presence of all the heavenly court, I choose you this day for my Mother and Queen.") It felt like I was soldier (a prayer soldier) and I was accepting my duties of prayer & obedience of God's word whilst telling Mary that she was going to be mentor and guide. "The queen who ...

A while back - A youtuber who I watch quite often did a Q&A session with his friend and one of the questions he was asked was : "Are you religious?". His answer was "No" and after a moment he said with a laugh : "I do think that religious people are much more happier than I am..." a statement that struck me as odd at the time. (his friend agreed with him and they moved on to the next Q. without discussion)  Today, in Jn.1 1:3-4: St.John explains why he is writing his letter - so people would know about Jesus and form a community/ fellowship that is formed in God. And he specifically says "We are writing these things so that our joy may be complete". This statement struck a bell in my brain. I think I understand why the youtuber said that the religious were happier than most people: its because our joys are different from (or at least originate differently from) the joys of other people who don't believe in God. I think, "happiness...

THE DANCE OF SPRING The rivers are aflow and the flower beds dance, The birds soar to the heavens - their songs are glad! Men sing songs throughout the land As the earth rejoices at the work of God's hand. Death has departed - life washed and restored Spring has arrived and the earth is aglow! All beings exclaim - they praise and adore The God of heaven - who smiles from his abode. Theresa.V I read Ps.65 today...and envisioned how God is the reason we have all the stuff we need (and more!). And since spring is a season of "Life" it felt right to associate that with God.  Spring is sort of the time we are in right now - after Jesus died for us on the cross. "Death" is not human death...but death in the sense that we wouldn't have got to see God if Jesus hadn't died for us.  So, I'm trying to metaphorically depict how much we humans are grateful that Jesus died for us and how grand the grace of his death is for us.

I have always wondered how God got angry and why his wrath was something we feared. As a child, I was always told that God was someone I could trust and take consolation in. But as I grew up - I heard and read stories of God's wrath and anger. I read about the battles, the great flood, the 10 plagues and also Jesus himself getting angry at the salesmen at the temple, at the disciples for not having enough faith etc. And I asked myself: "How can God - who is so perfect - participate in the act of anger? (an act so horrendous - it is classified by the church as one of the 7 capital sins)? Why should God get angry? Why not just create an angry angel who takes care of all the trouble?" Recently, I feel like I've got a little insight to these questions... 1. Why does God get angry? One can argue that God only gets angry when there is sin involved - He wants us to know that we are wrong, that he despises all evil things. But - we know that's not true or Jesus wouldn...

Recently - every time I seem to slack a little with my prayers or reading, God seems to be sending me gentle mini-reminders (either through a YouTube video, a friend - who never talks about religion asking if I read the bible and family members reminding me of His grace). These small gestures seem coincidental and made me wonder - How many reminders/ signs have I missed or dismissed as coincidence even though it's glaringly obvious that It's from God? I guess this has been a sort of eye opener: its up to us how much to associate as God's work/ doing. The bible does show us that EVERYTHING is from God and yet - I tend to believe that God stops hearing/looking at me.  I know that that isn't true... His graces are still as great and as present as they were before - they are just overshadowed by the "flashiness" of today's world. He's still working wonders and helping us out and guiding us like He did with the Israelites (in Exodus) - we just don't rea...